Saturday, August 8, 2009

ENERGY FOLLOWS INTENTION

On my website, I have posted a link to a FREE list of suggestions that, when followed, will improve your intimate, committed relationship, guaranteed! This is based on the notion that couples often notice a slight improvement in their relationship between the time they make a call to set an appointment with a marriage therapist and the actual appointment. Why? Because the act of making the call, an intentional act, seems to set in motion a consciousness that positively influences behavior. When couples behave intentionally with one another, the relational space between them begins to shift for the better.

In every relationship there are two co-existing realities: the reality of negativity that exist between two people, and the reality of positivity that exists between two people. If one outweighs the other, it can feel as if the other doesn't exist at all! When things are going badly in a relationship, we can lose sight of the positive rather quickly, but it doesn't mean it's not there; our ability to see and experience it has gotten hijacked by the bad. I believe it is possible to balance our focus and to recognize when and where things are going well, even when things between us feel overwhelmingly bad .. and that takes intention!

John Gottman,
professor of psychology, researcher and author, says that happy couples follow the 5:1 Principle which says that they have five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. When one has said or done something negative to their partner, in order to bring their relationship back into balance they must then say or do five positive things to their partner! This, again, takes intention!! It's not easy, it's growth.

Couples don't generally go to see a marriage therapist until they are mired knee deep in negativity. When I begin working with a couple, one of the first things I aim to do is to help them bring their relationship back into balance where each person in the relationship can see and feel the good that exists alongside the bad. Bringing the relationship into as close a balance as is possible ensures that the work that needs to be done has a chance of being successful.

Whether or not you are considering marriage therapy, your relationship can benefit from the 5:1 Principle. As I said earlier, in every relationship there are two co-existing realities. W
hen you intentionally do any or all of the suggestions that are listed in Tips to Improve Your Committed Relationship, you will experience a shift in your relationship ... without ever stepping foot in a therapist's office. It won't make that which needs working on disappear, but it will bring your relationship into greater balance, making the work that lies ahead much easier.

Whatever we focus on grows; energy follows intention. When things feel difficult, we tend to focus only on the difficult. To bring a relationship into balance, one needs to also focus on the positive. Exercise intentionality in your relationship and order your free copy of Tips to Improve Your Committed Relationship, Guaranteed!

Let me know how you go. And remember: Where your focus goes, energy flows!