Saturday, January 30, 2010

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

Have you ever done something for your partner and felt that the effort fell flat and went unnoticed? 

We do things for our partner as an expression of our love for them.  Often, those expressions lack impact or go unnoticed because they are not expressions of love that speak to our partner; they are expressions of love that, if our partner did them for us, would speak to us!  Remember the Platinum Rule:  Do unto your partner as they would have you do unto them.


By learning your partner's love language, you can  increase the likelihood that your expressions of love will have the positive impact that you intend.

Here are the FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES:
  • Affirmation / Words:  verbal compliments; words of appreciation; praise and encouragement; kind words; noticing and appreciating the others positive actions and qualities.
  • Attention / Quality Time:  being available; doing something enjoyable and interactive together; giving uninterrupted, undivided, and focused attention, quality conversation in which both talk and listen, creating memorable moments, self-reealing intimacy.
  • Action / Acts of Service:  willingly (not forcibly) doing things for the other; welcome helpfulness, timely and positive response to requests (not demands) of the other; acts of kindness, done with loving attitude (not fear, guilt or resentment); acts that reflect equality and partnership.
  • Affection / Physical Touch:  loving (never abusive) physical contact at appropriate times and places; tender hugs, touches, or pats on the arm, shoulder, or back:  back or foot rubs or massages, kissing, holding hands, holding while crying and comforting; intimate touch, caresses and sex.
  • Appreciation / Gifts:  tangible objects freely offered; symbols that you thought about; gifts of any size, shape, color or price; visual symbols of love without any strings attached (or to cover up failure); gifts given anytime, not just on special occasions.
To learn your partner's love language, ask them to click the link below and take the test; you do the same.  Then, have them write a list for you of the various things that you do or have done (maybe even could do, according to their love language) that, when you do/did them, they felt loved and cared for by you; make a list for your partner as well.  Now that you have your list, you can be sure that your expressions of love will have the impact you intend them to have!

Based on Garry Chapman's
The Five Love Languages

1 comment:

  1. This book is wonderful for those who live in expectation - who expect their partners to magically know how to love them.
    By becoming aware of our love langauge, we can ask for what we want; by becoming aware of our partner's love langauge, we can look to give them what they need!
    Beautiful!

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