'Tis the season for giving!
You remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Well, it has just been upgraded to the Platinum Rule: "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them." If you are a gift-giving person during the holidays, this is a rule to keep in mind.
When we give a gift, our desire is to see the pleasure and surprise on the face of the person receiving the gift. Quite often we are disappointed in their reaction and in our efforts to get it right. We buy into the myth that if we really loved them or knew them, we would know exactly what it is that would bring about the desired reaction.
When you think about it, we gift gifts based on the Golden Rule; we give them what we then they would like, and since our loved one is not us, we miss the mark. Sometimes we select gifts based on advertisements or what friends are giving their loved ones, and again, we miss the mark. Honestly, it is like shooting arrows in the dark while blindfolded!
Have you ever notice that when a person asks for something specific and you give that to them, they are delighted at receiving it, and suddenly you are seeing the reaction of pleasure and appreciation that you were looking for? That's because you followed the Platinum Rule !! Kudos !!!
You might be thinking, "Well, hang on a minute; gifts are supposed to be a surprise! Where is the surprise in giving what they ask for?" You have a point. So another way to give a gift that will surely bring about the desired result is to listen closely for what it is that they wish for ... and then surprise them with that! The gift here is in the noticing, in paying attention and listening closely, taking an interest in the other to the point that you heard their wish and took action.
The Platinum Rule and the Imago Dialogue go hand in hand. Since we are distinctly separate beings, we can not possibly know what an Other would like to receive; we must ask and listen. The Intentional Dialogue is another excellent way of really hearing what it is that your partner wants in life.
During this holiday season, give your partner the gift of truly listening.
No comments:
Post a Comment