GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK

As is customary in the life of an American expatriate, I am "home" for summer holiday; home is North Carolina, USA. I live and work in Hong Kong from the middle of August to the middle of June, and I return to NC for the summer months. When I'm on Summer Home Leave, as it is called, I spend my time doing what expatriates do on home leave: I catch up on visits with family and friends, organize maintenance on our home, and schedule annual medical exams. It's a very busy time, but it's not "work".

I've been away from the office now for three weeks and I've noticed myself feeling increasingly anxious and guilty. I'm feeling like I should be in HK working! To compensate for being away from the office I have a list of work-related tasks to complete, but each one of them takes me away from what I came here to do. How ridiculous is that!? And the more time that passes without me accomplishing any one of these tasks, the more anxious and guilty I feel! Do you ever experience this sort of dilema when you're on holiday? My husband and I have gone many rounds while on holiday with me saying, "Please, put the blackberry/computer away and just relax!" I think I'm getting a taste of his dilema.

While my time in the States is necessary (without attention / maintenance, my house, my body and my relationships would all deteriorate), at some level I must be living by a belief that says my time spent on personal needs is not "productive enough" and therefore a waste of time. Logically I know that this is a ridiculous line of thinking; we all need time away from work to take care of ourselves, yet this logical approach does nothing to eliminate feelings of anxiety and guilt.

I figure I have to either be really organized with my time while on "holiday" (an oxymoron) or make choices about what I do and don't do. Or, here's a thought, I could re-examine the internal message and redefine what it means to be productive! And what pops up is this saying, "When you're on your death-bed, will it matter that you didn't ...(fill in the blank)?"

Suddenly it's all quite clear: Being productive to me means spending time doing what really matters to me deep down. Since my relationships really matter to me, spending time nurturing them is very productive. The time I spend with family and friends, the time I spend nurturing and deepening core relationships, is time spent doing what sustains me. It is what helps me do a better job in my work with couples (you have to experience depth of relationship to know how to facilitate it, right?); it is what helps me be able to be away from home for months on end and feel like I belong when I return; it is what informs who and how I am as a person. At this moment in time, I can think of nothing more valuable to spend my time on.

And now I have a new, more congruent idea of what being productive is about for me, and as I say this, I'm feeling a new sense of balance and calm.

If you have a hard time relaxing completely when you're on holiday, ask yourself the question. What comes most quickly and easily to mind is where you want to put your time and energy. Give yourself a break!